The Problem With “I’ll Do It Myself”

Like a lot of can-do moms, I’m hesitant to ask for help around the house and with child care. I like being in control. I enjoy wearing the mantel of competence as much as a pair of sweats with an elastic waistband. But after a while, all this doing gets tiresome.

For those of you like me, you know what comes next: bitterness from lack of recognition, looking heavenward and wondering why the heck something that’s flamingly obvious to you is not obvious to your spouse, and then the inevitable: Nevermind! I’ll just do it myself.

So what would happen if I delegated responsibility at home. What if I asked for help?

Things wouldn’t be done right, of course. We’d run out of dental floss. Zora’s clothes might be mismatched. Or she might subsist on a diet of tofu, hot dogs, and blueberries. And if I asked for help, well, then I’m not the Great and Powerful Mom that I thought I was. Besides, shouldn’t Rodney realize when it’s time to pay the nanny? Shouldn’t he know where the diaper bag is?

Not necessarily.

Five words have really helped me: Honey, I need you to

…watch Zora so I can exercise on Saturday mornings.
…put on her shoes in the morning while I brush my teeth.
…pick up something for dinner on your way home.

I was reluctant at first. I felt like I was skipping out on my responsibility. Then I had to deal with the question, if I’m not super woman taking care of everything that needs to be done, then who am? Working through that question is turning out to be more challenging than doing everything myself.

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